I Thought Everyone Knew!

I post a lot of things on my social media. Some for me, some for others.  Hey what can I say. I’m a social person, as long as it’s from my home and I don’t have to actually physically be near someone!

A longtime colleague was curious about something I posted and asked, “why did you post that instead of the person you were talking about?”.  The question perplexed me for a few reasons:

1. Shouting out someone else will get more traction than someone going “follow me, I am so great, look at me, so very great”.  I do it regularly to many people.
2. This particular person was one of my personal partners, something I thought was common knowledge.
3. This person is also one of my business partners, something I thought was common knowledge.

I told the inquiring mind these two facts. A day later I received a message stating, “I don’t need to hear about your relationships, it’s all business”.

Hmm.  Well firstly, the person specifically ASKED me, and I gave the answer, but also, my brand has always been intermixing personal with business. I do not need to directly like who I work with and keep a professional line, but to be told not to mention my relationship, it required further reflection from me.

Kidding, it required NO reflection, I already knew where my brain would go. Firstly, I have been married to my husband for over 23 years and he is part of all my discussions. Business, personal etc. I say his name and people know who he is, because I discuss him regularly. Not once in my entire life has anyone said, “hey, don’t discuss your marriage, this is business”.  In fact, sometimes business requires me to do social things, and I have brought either my husband or Sarah. Now, the reason I bring Sarah is not just because she is smart and amazing eye candy and for our synergy in networking, it’s because my husband HATES to talk to people about business and small talk.  In fact, talking about Sarah makes me more business than people knowing my husband, who is amazing, also exists.  So, given this…why can I not mention her?

The person who said this is not homophobic so I wrote that off. They regularly support LGBTQ2 plus people. So, oh, it’s about being poly.  Interesting.

Now, we as a society have a long way to go in recognizing “alternative” relationships, but I didn’t think in my network. Heck, even a nun knows about our situation and says, “it’s not for me to judge”.  So ,Canada, what’s up with that?  Does the idea of two people being in love and then two other people being in love really challenge the status quo?  This is no different than the entire history of society, except no one sneaks around and “cheats”, life is open and transparent and, mostly of all, boring.  Being poly is not a sex thing, it’s literally love, community and at this time, sharing financial and life loads because we have chosen to be a family.

The ins and outs I don’t talk about much, not that I had shame, it’s just, lordy, it’s been a busy two years! So I will give some highlights so folks know the excitement I speak of. I realize this may make some uncomfortable and I am not sorry. I know my birth family barely speaks to me, not just because of this, truly this is “of COURSE she is poly”.  The same with one of my freelance clients when I wrote about it for my column four years ago they said they didn’t think the public was ready for that yet.  Interesting.  Anyway, here are the facts of the exciting life of Jenn.

1. I live with my husband, adult son, Sarah and her partner and children and for some reason an ex employee.
2. We live as a family. We support each other, cheer each other on and make decisions as a family.
3. Sometimes it’s so much fun.
4. Sometimes it’s so hard.
5. So. Is. Life.
6. Josh is my primary, my husband and I love him, and always will.
7. Sarah is my main woman, haha, kidding no one possesses anyone. She is someone I love greatly, and like Josh, our relationship is first made on extreme friendship.
8. Adam, Sarah’s partner is truly one of my greatest friends and he has shared his son and the day-to-day duties with me at times. I love being part of Linden’s life and I am thankful to Adam for it.
9. I am not a stepparent to her kids, they already have four parents, that’s enough. I am a caregiver, roommate, community member and natural nagger.  I have laughed with the oldest at the idea of me being a parental figure to her. Nah, we’ll be buddies, I’ve raised my kids already.
10. That said, the kids feel like my son Julian is their brother. They don’t have an older brother and enjoy the time and it’s good for him too.  My other two children are not directly in my day-to-day life, but Sarah and family have always treated them as family and community.
11. The fun things we do are watch movies, play board games, meet new people, and work so hard to try to get ahead financially after the last two years have decimated both of our families.
12. The not fun things we do are clean the house.
13. Adam and I are in charge of logistics.  Basically, we run the life around work, Linden and whatever life brings us. Sarah likes to DO ALL THE THINGS, and Josh and I like to WATCH ALL THE SHOWS, so sometimes we sit out and that’s okay!

There are other reasons than in response to one person to begin discussing this, and you’ll have to wait, but not too long as something amazing is coming!

So as for this post, people who want to know now know, people who don’t want to know now know and.

To sum up Poly life, to quote Sarah when we met her, it is SO MUCH TALKING!

I’m Jenn Hayward and this is my life. Check out some products I made and thank you for supporting our community!