This past month was, in some ways, the worst of my life. In other ways, it was magical and wonderful. Overall, I will declare it a good month and be happy that I have developed the skill of delighting in dancing in the chaos and madness of the world (but not literally right now, because I have two nonfunctional knees, which we’ll get to in a bit).

A month ago, I was hired as a Costume Designer for a Lifetime Network movie. Although this is something I have done in the past – with one of my first jobs as an adult being in the costume department for films and a Hollywood North award under my belt for Costume Design – I did not anticipate in any version of my reality that this was what would occupy my August.
It even came to be in a strange way, filled with seemingly unconnected events. Jenn was visiting a friend who happens to be a production manager to help her with some admin tasks. One of the companies she was working for urgently needed a location scout the following day, so I stepped in. While I was at the office awaiting instructions, I was chatting with the producer and discovered that they still didn’t have a wardrobe team for the show. After some discussion, I agreed to come on to prep the show, but already had a trip to NS planned to work and visit family during half of the shoot days.

After meeting my Co-Costume Designer and doing a couple of days of prep, it became clear that staying for the entire show was the right thing to do, and I made the leap to commit my August to film, and move my Nova Scotia trip.
And that’s where it all began.
I want to start by saying that, in almost every way, working on this film was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had in film. The director was the best I’d seen in action; the producer was an absolute joy to deal with; the sound guy was so good at his job while also being a kind and patient mentor; virtually the entire crew was incredibly proficient at their jobs, and watching them work was actually fun. Unlike many short-schedule shows, this crew didn’t get more and more cranky as crunch time approached, but grew more and more into a cohesive unit. It was really quite beautiful to be a part of. And, speaking of beauty, the cinematography was incredible. Like, seriously, so much more pretty than any Lifetime Movie has any right to be. And, to add one more layer of awesome, the entire cast was absolutely lovely as well as being incredibly talented. This is one that I will absolutely go out of my way to watch.

Unfortunately, there was one human factor in the midst of all of this that made it ludicrously difficult to do my job well and enjoy my time during production. Although I hate to be vague and prefer being completely open, I also don’t believe in calling people out, so we’ll have to leave a bit to the imagination. Suffice to say, I reiterated many times throughout the show that I was pretty convinced that I was actually in Hell.
In addition to the demon plaguing my days, my body quickly started to give up on me. With fibromyalgia and some serious joint problems, I’m definitely not built for 14-18 hour days if I don’t take care of myself properly, and by halfway through day five of filming my knee had dislocated twice in the same day. Normally at this point, I would rest and recover, but that wasn’t an option with ten shoot days still unfinished. So, I pressed on. I kept working long days, I kept not taking care of myself as well as I should, and my knees kept getting worse. By the last day of the show, I could barely walk, and I found myself waiting in the emergency room after wrap.




If you lay it all out on paper, August does not look great – I had one of the worst work experiences of my life (while also somehow being wonderful in other ways), I barely saw my family, I had problems from the past plaguing me, I barely got a moment of actual rest, and I literally destroyed my body, ending the show with two non-functional knees, a full leg splint, antibiotics for a bladder infection, a referral to dermatology for a growth that needs to be biopsied, and a body full of mystery hives.
But despite all of this, I still want to declare August a good month. While many horrors ensued, something good came out of all of them.
I had a terrible work experience, yes, but I also made some awesome new friends, got a cool film credit, developed some business connections, and got to spend some time with Violet doing something she may never have had I had the opportunity to try otherwise.

I barely saw my family, but we made the most of the time we did get, and the kids got to do things like visit with family and catch up with friends while I was gone.
My body is completely broken, but I also now am forced to rest, and even used the emergency room time to hang out with Chris (sorry such a high percentage of our time together has been in the hospital, dude). In fact, when Linden stated how sad he was that my leg was so sore, I reminded him that meant we would get to spend more time together this month.
And more cool things happened too – lots of awesome business stuff, our community art project, some wonderful developments in our community, the Maclean’s article releasing, meeting a beautiful collective of like-minded women, and all of it culminating in my birthday party, surrounded by so many people I love.
So, was August a disaster? Absolutely. Would I do it all again if I had the choice? 100%.
I think one of the keys to a good life is acknowledging that life is a constant stream of chaos and absurdity, much of which is horrible or completely out of our control, and often both. But the trick is not just to accept this fact of life – chaos and absurdity is here, might as well live with it – but to learn to enjoy dancing amongst it so we don’t miss all of the beautiful, magical things we’re surrounded by at the same time.
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